The Girl Of Glass
by owlseeker
Summary: He was never one of those people who would get nostalgic; to him nostalgia was nothing else but a dark shadow that eclipsed his life. But then again, if he hated the past so ardently why wouldn't he just get rid of her pictures?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

To me, she was like one of those snapshots of authors you see on the back of a novel's cover: I had an entire respect for her, yet she didn't seam real or alive. Pictures of her were hanging all around the house – dad never bothered to take them off-, but beside that, there was nothing I knew about her. She was his past and I was his present, and if I knew dad enough well, he always hated talking about his past. He was never one of those people who would get nostalgic; to him nostalgia was nothing else but a dark shadow that eclipsed his life. But then again, if he hated the past so ardently why wouldn't he just get rid of her pictures? There was no way he could love her – he never showed any kind of such feeling when her name was purposely slipped into conversation, and then, what was Sirius Black still clinging on?

As a young girl I've always been attracted to mysteries, and thanks to my father, who, unlike the rest of his family was a Muggle-loving person, I got the chance to read every book ever to be written in English that involved a mystery. I was in love with secrets and riddles, they seemed fascinating to me, and the fact that dad knew all the secret passageways of Hogwarts, made my respect for him grow faster. I was a fan of solving riddles, and when I reached the age of sixteen I was able to see the faintest of details. Of course dad would tell you I'm either mad as a hatter, or just a female incarnation of Sherlock Holmes. Either way it is wrong, for I am not **that** mad and I am very sure no human on this earth could be able to handle all the characteristics Sherlock carries around with him. But that is beside the point, because this story isn't about myself, I'm just the narrator, this story is much more than it seems. So, I was saying I was in love with mysteries, and the one I loved most was the relationship my dad had with the woman called Marlene. She is indeed the woman who gave birth to me, but she's been part of my life for far too much of a short time to be able to consider her a 'mother'.

As I said before, dad was never talking about her. She just vanished one night and I never heard of her again – none of us did. If I'd be idiotic in any way, I'd swallow this lie, but I am sure he knows what happened to her – whatever it did happen, after all. Every each of my attempts to understand the mystery that is my own mother, failed dramatically. I'm not sure where he's going with this, or why he's making such a big deal of it. There are many theories: that he is ashamed of the relationship he had had with Marlene McKinnon, that he had no feelings for her whatsoever and he just tricked her, and there's a morbid one, which says dad would have killed her. You know what I think of these doltish assumptions? Lies. None of them is true. I know my father, and I have learned how to read through him, whatever he is hiding, it's much more than that – and no, he didn't slaughter her or whatever the neighbour states.

After eighteen years of trying to find out the slightest information about the mysterious Marlene McKinnon, I had lost my hope, and that is where I'd gone wrong. There were other things I calculated wrong, like the date, but I'd rather not talk about my mistakes, for I can assure you they are enough.

He'd come late that night, and he looked more miserable than I have ever seen him. It was a November 2nd, I shall always remember that day. I was dressed in my horribly looking, pink nightgown when I heard him enter the house – it's not as if he didn't wake up the entire neighbourhood once he slammed the door the way he did. Never had he been one for subtlety, but this time he had crossed the line. Irritated, I left my room in a hurry to see dad lying on our sofa. His clothes needed a wash and so did his face. A thick smell of alcohol floated in the air around and I instantly looked down at him. If I hadn't seen hs pale lips move, I'd say I've gone mad, but he wasn't as asleep as I pictured him to be. He looked up at me, those shadowy grey eyes I am so familiar with pierced me, and then, out of a sudden he laughed bitterly. "He's drunk", I told myself, as I forced a faint smile on my face. I've never seen him drunk before. Yeah, I know what you're going to say: "Sirius Black? Hmpf, that boy was drunk from the breaking of the dawn until late at midnight.", but he's not a boy any more now, is he? No one understands how much he matured, he matured for me, so as to be sure he can take care of his only child, and how could I not respect that? I've never seen him drunk, probably because he never wanted to show me this kind of a dad, the one who make mistakes and is pierced by flaws.

He looked up at me, reaching for my hand. I stretched mine, taking his. His hands were as cold as ice and as I approached him, I saw something I probably shall never see again. His face was wet. I excluded the idea of crying – dad was never crying and why even would he cry for? But just as if he would read my mind, a name escaped his lips, and it seemed to carry so much tenderness, I couldn't even comprehend it: "Marlene."


	2. Chapter 1 Of a beginning

** Chapter 1 **

**Of a beginning **

The simple mentioning of her name made me look up at him, as I felt hope grow in my chest. What for? I just imagined he was going to tell me who she was, Marlene. You might call it a fool's dream, but every fool has the right to dream, and if I was really a fool, then I was probably also the biggest dreamer of all. A characteristic I assume I inherited from my mother, since my father was everything but a fantasizer; he found the whole concept so immature, he didn't even bother to think of it. Funny thing it is, that he's the one to call something immature; he most definitely was always anything but a mature person. Of course he had his moments, I guess they were moments when reality hit him really hard, punched him in the face, and he would wake up, realizing all the things he didn't before.

Anyway, what was I speaking of? Right, he mentioned her name. The reader might not understand why this was such an amazement for me, but you must remember: he never spoke of her, she was a shadow, everything that once belonged to her was still here in our house, our far too big house for only two inhabitants, but everything about her was forbidden to me. I wasn't allowed to ask or speak her name. I reckon he blackmailed his friends to never give me a piece of information about Marlene McKinnon, or maybe they did it on purpose, so as not to betray their best mate. This is why she's such an obsession to me, she's a mystery, she's a person surrounded by a cloud, a cloud I can't penetrate, and my appetite for knowledge begs me to fathom every single detail of what she is – what she was. My obsession for Marlene started a while ago; I was thirteen, or maybe younger? I can't remember, but the deal is, I've never seen dad so angry. There's an entire list of perks as of why it's brilliant to have a father like Sirius Black, but what I always loved was that I've never been grounded. Whereas my friends weren't allowed to go out on a summer day, right after the school year at Hogwarts ended, I was permitted to do whatever my heart pleased: from Quidditch from dawn till sunset to any other crazy idea might cross my brain. But on that day, my crazy idea wasn't on my father's liking and, since he had never been one to be subtle, he hesitated no second and yelled at me. However, he never expected me to react the way I did. I'm not usually a weepy person, but seeing him as angry as he was, got me emotional and in few tears were flooding down my face. Anyway, that isn't important. Important is that I sneaked into his room and I searched through **her **stuff, and, unfortunately for me, I've been caught at the place of the crime scene. My interest for this forbidden person grew since.

"Father?", I asked in a silent tone, not wanting to disturb him, since he had closed his eyes once again. Excitement pumped into my veins, and I know it shouldn't have.

"I know what you want, Cassie.", he muttered, eyes still closed. "But I can't tell you."

"Why not?", I asked, disappointment striking me like cold water early in the morning. What was I even hoping for anyway?

He straightened his posture, probably trying to take control over the alcohol. "Marlene … I don't like talking about her", he tells me with a hiccup. However, I continue staring at him, wishing he'd eventually give in. To my surprise, he sighed full of sound and placed a hand on my shoulder. "If I ever disliked something about you, my dear, is how you seem to be a younger clone of her."

"Well isn't that nice to tell your daughter?", I pointed out, rolling my eyes, as I stood up to prepare myself some coffee. I could easily hear my father laughing bitterly somewhere in the background, and in my heart I feel nothing else but compassion to him. In my mind I have created this plot where she pretended to love him and he left him one night, left him heartbroken. I wanted to believe it was that way and not the other. The love I carried for my father was too heavy to ever be able to picture him breaking someone's heart.

"Don't you blame her, Cassie. Don't you dare.", Sirius mumbles, looking straight at me, his eyebrows furrowed. He was reading me too easily and I could barely deduct what he would be thinking. But I wasn't even bothering to think of anything else but the fact that this could be the opportunity I've been so long waiting for.

As I returned to our drawing room, tea in hand, I sat down on the sofa next to his.

"So how does the story begin?", I asked casually, as if we would be talking about the weather. The reader must have already guessed how anxious I was, anxious to finally hear the story I've been waiting for the past eighteen years. He, however, looked up at me as if I were a Thestral and said simply, "What beginning? This is a story without a beginning. The beginning was the end."

"So, if it begins with the end, what does it end with?"

"An ending?", dad replied in a tone that could have simply said, 'How can you be this stupid?'. I was speechless, not knowing what exactly to respond, not even knowing if the alcohol was speaking for him or if it was his weirdness talking. I just sat there in silence for some minutes, waiting, and eventually, he started speaking again.

**Hogwarts, 1979**

It would be a lie to pretend Marlene McKinnon and Sirius Black were friends. They weren't even pals. If you would ask them, they'd probably tell you they were classmates. In no way were they attracted to one another. She found him impossibly immature and annoyingly ridiculous. He wasn't in need of so many words to describe her. To him anyone who didn't like him in any way was a twat, and that was the end of the story. Of course, this shouldn't be misunderstood with a hatred relationship. The two of them just had nothing in common, nothing to set a binding between them, thus they felt like complete strangers in the company of the other.

Well, that was until the day Sirius decided to blow the perfectly planned date of James Potter and Lily Evans. No matter how much he cared for the both of them, he just thought Hogwarts' newest couple deserved a little bit of adrenaline. You might think an eighteen year old wizard would have more brains than that, or at least, that was what Marlene imagined for a while.

"Are you sure it's a good idea, Sirius?", Peter Pettigrew asked, as they repeated the plan for the 100th time that day.

"Are you doubting my plotting ideas, Wormy?", Sirius asked, a charming grin on his face as he answered to his own question, "I don't think so. Everything I plan is a **brilliant **idea, Worms."

"Don't call me 'Wormy'. Marlene might hear you."

"Who cares if McKinnon overhears our conversation? She's probably amazed by how cool I am.", Sirius replied nonchalantly, waving his hand in dismissal.

Peter, however, straightened his neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the blonde Ravenclaw. She was caught up in a chess game with Benjy Fenwick, a game she seemed to be easily winning (although one couldn't be sure if she had skill or simply luck). The boys brown, small, rat-like eyes stopped on her features for a while, before he would be woken up from his reverie by a joyful Sirius Black.

"James and Lily are about to have the date of their lives. Ready, Wormy?"

"I told you not to call me that.", he chirped, as he saw Marlene's eyes pointed to where they stood.

"Why?", asked Sirius, stealing a slice of cake off a Gryffindor's plate.

"Because, if you would be attentive to those around you, Padfoot, you'd observe that Peter here has a crush on Marlene.", another boy joined them at the table. Remus Lupin looked better than he had ever done, and that was a huge compliment, considering how sick he almost always looked like.

"Well, well, look who left his cave? Was Pince too much of a pain in the ass for you to handle on such a beautiful day, Moony?", Padfoot concluded, pointing a finger at his friend.

"When exactly isn't she?", replied Peter dully, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

But Remus decided to duck his friend's comments, so, instead he asked, a serious look on his face:

"What are you two up to?"

"Mischief", came the answer from Sirius, a smirk shadowing his face.

"You're not planning to destroy James' date, are you, Padfoot?"

"Me? Why would I do that?"

"Maybe because you're jealous your best friend spends more time with _a girl _than with you."

"Oh, Moony, Moony, always seeing the dark half of the moon!", the Gryffindor laughed, throwing his head on his back as he did so. "Oh, no, no, no. I'm so happy for the two of them. I can't wait for the wedding; you know how much I love weddings."

Truth was, Sirius never attended a proper wedding, just those of his family members, which to be sincere were not only sombre, but quite scary, not even to mention spiritless and hard-hearted. They were, after all, marriages settled by parents, marriages that were only supposed to keep the pure blood in line. So naturally, Sirius couldn't even know if he did like weddings. He did, but he will find that out only after he will finish his Hogwarts life, and that is for sure to be told later in the story.

"D'you reckon she'd like me?", Peter's voice broke once again the silence, as his eyes landed again on Marlene McKinnon.

"Who?", asked a disoriented Padfoot.

"McKinnon", hissed Peter exasperated.

"What about her?"

"Are you drunk, Padfoot? At this early hour?", Remus questioned bemused of the whole situation. "Wormtail fancies her."

It took Sirius a while to answer. At first he turned around, his eyes meeting Marlene's black eyes. The eye contact lasted for at least fifty seconds, before the boy would break it, turning back around at the table, rubbing his chin, evidently bored. He had seen her around, probably spoken to her, unworthy discussions, since he couldn't recall any of them, been partnered with her in a class or two, seated next to the Ravenclaw in Transfiguration since McGonagall thought he'd behave if he'd sit next to someone like her ("In her dreams", would Sirius think, a smirk on his face), but beside that, she wasn't an important person to him.

"Well if you can't do better than that, Wormy …", he finally started, running a hand through his mane of a hair. "But I guess it'll be sad if in the end she turns out to have a crush on me. Not that I would blame her or ...", the boy continued, obviously too full of himself to hear Moony's embittered groans.

"Oh, I checked. She doesn't fancy you.", Peter said joyfully, proud that he'd finally found a girl who wouldn't rather date his friend.

"Twat.", swore Sirius under his breath, seeing as no one would be attentive to him even for a second. How did she become the topic of conversation anyway? He had better plans for the day than having to deal with yet another of his friends' love life.

"So what did you do?", I asked my father, dreading to know the rest of the story. "What was your brilliant plan?"

My father served me a disappointed look, as he took the mug of coffee out of my frozen hands. It was bitter cold in the house, but I was way too caught up in the story to actually care. Before I could even protest, his words stopped me:

"Cassie, Cassie, you're not focusing on what's important. Focus on what I didn't focus back then. Don't act like me. Details are important."

I knew there was no way I could get my coffee back so I lazily walked to the kitchen to prepare some more. When I returned some minutes later my father had created a fire in the fireplace. As I couldn't exactly tell if he accidentally touched my frozen skin or if he was in fact freezing himself, I decided to drop the matter.

"So, details are important, you say", I begun, "you called mum a twat."

"That is so very unimportant, Cassie. And anyway, she didn't like me, I mean, why wouldn't she like me? I was as handsome as I am now!", he pointed out, brushing his hair proud. "But if there ever was a person who never deserved to be called that, it was your mother."

The regret in his tone made my stomach cringe. It felt as if all the plots in my mind were all falling, breaking into pieces. The idea I had created of her leaving him was no more an idea. He regretted insulting her, and I guess the reader should understand that few were the feelings my father showed. Revealing regret was as if he would say, "I loved her."

"Wormtail liked Marlene.", I finally concluding, trying as much as possible to discover what my father wanted me to actually think of.

"There we go. Keep this piece of information in mind. It's important, for a reason. We'll speak about it later.", my father said, making afterwards a comment about how I drank his entire coffee. Once again, I was forced to donate him my mug.

"So far so good, but what did you actually do? There must be a reason you started your story with this moment. What did you do to Lily and James' date?"

He let out of a sigh, as if my curiosity would annoy him more than usual.

"I transformed the entire _Three Broomsticks_ into a jungle, if you're so keen to find out."

"You … what? What was in your mind, father? Poor couple, must have had the shock of their lives."

"Oh, they had worse shocks than just an innocent prank. Hey, don't judge. I was eighteen, how much of a brains do you believe one has at that age?"

"I'm 19 and I seem to have more brains.", I pointed out, proudly.

"That's not an excuse. You're a girl. But let that be. Anyway, thanks to my ingenious plan I got to talk to your mother. Probably the first discussion I can recall."

I guess it should have bothered me that my own father couldn't remember the talks he had with my mother, but I wasn't. She had not been important to him before, she was an unknown, yet at some point, Marlene managed to slip under his skin. You should know my father was right about one thing: I was eager to find out every detail of the story.

"It must have been an interesting talk if yo-"

"Oh,no", he caught me off, laughing, "it was rubbish. But I surely learned two important things that day."

I raised my eyebrows waiting for him to continue his idea.

"First, Marlene was helping Madam Pomfrey in her free time, something I would never understand. But, even so, it was her damn free time, she could do whatever she liked with it. And second, James _did _know how to punch someone."

"He punched you?"

"Kind of. But I guess I deserved to get myself a black eye."

**Hogwarts, 1979**

Marlene McKinnon was person who would work for charity. Sirius Black wasn't. Marlene would spend her time healing the people who got hexed. Sirius Black would hex them over again. While Marlene would spend loads of hours stuck in the infirmary, Sirius would rarely step into the Hospital Wing. Maybe if he would have visited that certain place of the castle more often, he would have talked to the Ravenclaw before, but maybe it was the right thing that it didn't happen until a certain moment came.

It was just a black eye. It could have been worse. Or at least, he had seen worse bruises than that. But this one was different out of many reasons: it was ruining his good looks, it was caused by James, it was ruining his good looks, it was also ruining his pride, how did the git dare to.

Thus, Sirius Black was forced to go where he wouldn't usually go: to the infirmary. He needed an alibi though, something to hide what had actually happened. He couldn't just spoil his entire pride, throwing it like trash; he was, after all, Sirius Black – most handsome guy Hogwarts has ever seen. After puffing and groaning for five minutes, he had finally managed to drag himself on the stairs, finding his way to the Hospital Wing. Lucky enough for him, people were still in Hogsmeade, enjoying their perfect weekend, whereas he had to be healed – immediately. Why? Because the bloody git Prongs couldn't understand a joke when he saw one. Or at least not since he was madly in love.

"When wasn't he?", Sirius yammered pushing the door open, not even realising that he wasn't alone in the room.

"Who is how?", a voice echoed in the infirmary.

Of course he didn't expect to meet someone in there, and of course he didn't expect the said person to be a girl. Let alone the fact that it was Marlene. Not that he cared for her, but he cared for his ego, and right now it was broken. Mechanically, he hid his bruise behind his hand.

"Why are you in here?", he spoke in an accusing tone.

"No need to be so polite, Black.", Marlene rose from where she stood, leaving her book open on the chair. "Sit down."

"You're not going to command me, McKinnon.", he said, crossing his arms over his chest, revealing his bruise.

"Fair enough.", with a swung of her wand, Sirius had been easily pushed into a chair.

"Hey, that wasn't polite of you."

"Look who was talking. And besides, I told you politely to sit down, you just disapproved."

"Yeah, yeah, where's Pomfrey?", the Gryffindor dismissed her with a wave of his hand, showing her how much he actually cared.

"She's unwell."

"She's unwell? She's a healer or what? Can't she take a Potion and get well? I need her.", he complained, whining like a little boy.

It didn't help at all that Marlene left the room just when he was about to start complaining again. And why did he have to sit down? What was her problem? He had a problem, and it was imprinted on his face, where everyone could see it.

"McKinnon?", he yelled through the hall after her.

"Hold on, little princess. I'll come in my shining armour to save you!", her mocking tone filled the room. And, as she had promised, she returned, but not in a shining armor. Instead, she was holding something that looked like a piece of wool and a small vial filled with a blue liquid.

"What are those for? And why is Pomfrey not here? Why is she unwell?"

She sighed. "There are some thing that a drop of a Potion cannot mend. She needs to rest. Try to understand that some people work 24/7 and they can't always do whatever is on your liking."

"Well am I not lucky?", he groaned, staring angrily at the floor.

There was no need of him to raise his head to realize that she was sitting on the chair next to his right now, staring at him.

"What're you staring at?"

"Aren't you lovely?", she concluded ironically. "Just look up at me and shut up."

"What for?", he cocked his head to the side as he realized she was coming even closer.

"You wouldn't want the whole school to see you with this black eye, would you?"

It was only then when he realized she was just trying to heal his bruise. He closed his left eye, allowing her to caress his injured eye. The Potion had a horrible smell, making him grimace once or twice. However, without any more complains she finished quickly, throwing the small piece of wool to the side.

"So, what was it that attacked you? A Centaur? A Troll?"

"I walked into a door", he suddenly made up a lie.

"Could've come up with something smarter than that. I assume James wasn't happy you ruined his date?", the Ravenclaw asked, leaving the room again.

"I didn't ruin it … How do you know?", he asked.

Her blonde head appeared from behind a door, a smile brightening her face.

"Ah, so Wormy was right. You _were_ hearing us."

"That is true."

"But you never told anything to Lily, although you both are friends."

"Again true."

"But why?", Sirius faked a mysterious tone.

"Because I was caught in other business.", she said, returning to her seat and her book. "The bruise shall disappear in less than five minutes."

But the boy's attention was now directed towards the blonde Ravenclaw and wasn't even listening to her instructions.

"What other business?"

"Your friend. Peter.", Marlene added, once she saw the confused look on his face.

"Ah, dear old Pete, asked blondie McKinnon out. Accepted, didn't you?"

The sigh she breathed could've been enough of an answer. "I declined as polite as I could. Hope I didn't cause too much of trouble to him, though."

"But why wouldn't you accept his offer?"

"He's your friend, I'm not going to tell you.", she dismissed him, concentrating her eyes on the book she was reading.

"Fair enough.", she heard him mutter. "Why?"

Marlene rolled her eyes, continuing to ignore him as best as she could, but for the next five minutes, he continued asking the same question over and over again. "Because. Ok, listen, he's a nice bloke, a bit awkward _but ..._"

He interrupted her whistling, "'But' never sounds too good."

"Let me finish if you wanna know what I have to say, Black. But he seems very easily influenced."

The boy furrowed his eyebrows, trying to understand where exactly she was pointing at. So what if the bloke was easily influenced? What would be the change anyway?

"So?"

"So, let's suppose I would have accepted. And it would … serious. I get attached to him, he starts meaning way too much to me, you know this kind of crap, and out of a sudden, someone just tells him 'she's not worth it, let her be'. So he's influenced and he just throws me away, as if I were a long used tissue. See where my point is, Sirius?"

"You girls think too much, but yeah … see you around, McKinnon."

"Leaving so soon?", the girl asked, but returned her attention to her novel.

"Well, as it seems you won't leave first so ...", he rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"Oh, but there are plenty of guys getting' beaten up by their mates, because they ruined their dates. Someone has to heal all of those bruises. "

She knew she had stung him right where it hurt him most, which was a reason why she was smirking uncontrollably.

"Listen, about the bruise-", he spoke again, as he opened the door to leave.

"Still here, are you? I won't tell, Sirius. There's not achievement I could get if I tell anyone, anyway.", she pointed out. "The only thing I'd get would be enemies, and I sincerely prefer not to get hexed in the middle of a hallway."

He never responded, but smiled proudly. At least she knew she shouldn't bother him.

"And that was the moment I started to respect Marls. Of course, I would realize that only later, but still ...", my father ended, tapping his stomach proudly.

I, on the other hand, was more confused than I ever was. "What were you respecting about her? And you just left like that out of a sudden?"

He sighed, obviously disappointed. "What's the matter with you tonight, Cass? You're smarter than that!"

"Yeah, but your logic. Your logic is far beyond my understanding."

"I admired her because she had principles.", he told me, rubbing his forehead. "And the thing about principles is that everyone has them, but not everyone actually applies them. And Marlene did not only apply them, but also respect them. That's worth respecting."

I can't tell if he respected that because he, as the person he is, has never actually had principles of any kind, or if he simply was attracted by that, but I learned something about him that moment: he actually admired someone.

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing, Carolina, and for your kind words. You can't even imagine how much it means. I hope you guys find this first chapter interesting, or at least, interesting enough to catch your attention. I'd be thankful if you'd review, for feedback always somehow manages to force me write more. **


	3. Chapter 2 Remorse

**Chapter 2**

**Remorse**

I can't exactly recall all the feelings that were running through my veins that particular night, for it happened a long time ago, but I can surely remember I was tired. Tiredness has caught me off guard, stung me and tried to convince me go back to bed, dismiss my father's story, ask him to continue it the next morning, but, if you didn't already know, I'm a very stubborn person. I refused to listen to the persistent voice in my head, I resisted, just for the sake of it. I knew that whatever made my father confess me all this had a hidden reason and I knew I had to stay awake all night maybe even the day after to listen until the end. And so I did, but this is irrelevant right now, for we're still at the beginning, aren't we?

Maybe he wasn't as drunk as I described him to be. I guess he seemed dead drunk to me that night, considering the fact that I've never seen him drunk before. I'm not going to start on the matter again. The thing is, he seemed very conscious, but there was also something else, something I knew he was trying to hide away from me. It was surely the reason of why he was telling me those things on that night, but for the time I wasn't thinking of anything else but of the story.

"Look at you, Cassie, it's like you'd be five again and you'd wait for me to read you a bedtime story. ", my dad laughed, taking my hand into his. It was a gesture that meant very much to me. I'm not sure how close you are to your fathers, but I have always been close to mine. Not only because I've only had him, but I guess there had always been a connection between us. He was different from me, and I always tried to make him proud as good as I could. Maybe he was proud of me, or maybe he wasn't, but I still did my best, I became a prefect, afterwards I was named Head Girl. I even learned how to play Quidditch, even if I wasn't such a big fan of it. I got on the team, then, trying to equal my father's achievements, I wasted the nights of an entire year, trying to figure out how to become an Animagus. When I left Hogwarts (it was exactly the year Professor Dumbledore had passed away, dark times those were), I did exactly what I thought would be most brave: I joined the Order. You might consider it silly. It was dangerous, but as my father, I enjoyed danger, danger and the mystery it was brining with it. There was something about the war that made me continue fighting. Determination, maybe. I'm not sure. It doesn't even matter any more. It was a long time ago, but the war is to mention later.

I waited in silence, hoping he will resume his storytelling. Meantime I already cooked myself not one, nor two but three mugs of coffee. It had been hard but I had to donate one to my father. That had always been a problem with the two of us: coffee devourers we were. When I had enough of waiting, I opened my mouth to ask him about the rest, but he stopped me immediately.

"What is the time?", he asked.

My eyes flew mechanically to the clock on the wall.

"It's 3:46 am. Are you going to-"

"Yes, do not interrupt your father when he speaks."

"You weren't-"

"Shush. What did I just tell you? I was thinking."

"There's a difference between the two of them", I muttered, hoping he won't hear me, and eventually, he didn't.

"What were you thinking of?"

"I was trying to memorize the exact happenings of the night I'm gonna tell you of.", he explained.

"Which are?"

"Good Merlin in heaven!", Sirius exclaimed, putting his mug of coffee on the table next to his sofa. "Wait and see, young girl. Wait and see. Now leave your father remember all the things he has to remember. You're just like her, none of you can stand still and wait."

"As you wish, old man.", I replied, taking another sip out of my drink. You'd think I'm completely mad, but I was scared. I was frightened of all the things he was telling me. Not that they were scary in any way, but my mind works in funny ways – it's always so suspicious, you know? I imagined he was telling me the truth because he wanted to leave me or do whatever other stupid thing could run through his mind. And I was scared for him, for what he could do. However, he did not leave me alone with my thoughts for too long, and I'm still grateful for that, even after all those years.

"I got drunk.", he said simply.

Well wasn't this something new?

**Hogwarts, 1979**

Everyone got drunk at least once in their lifetime. As a rebellious teenager, Sirius Black got drunk as many times as he could. Marlene McKinnon had never been drunk. The amount of alcohol he would drink was beyond her understanding, yet his mind wouldn't stagnate from too many drinks. Quite the contrary. She couldn't understand how someone simply couldn't stop when it was too much. He loved it when it was way too much.

One could most likely get drunk at a party, and they were plenty to attend during the school year. The closer the end of the year was, the more parties they were. There was no reason needed to throw a party, people were just simply throwing them. Marlene attended most of them, usually because she was dragged by her room mates, but most of the time because she simply had nothing better to do. She would leave early, before everyone will be drunk, which was actually good for her. But this wasn't the case of the specifical party we're talking about right now. This one was different.

Mary MacDonald, 7th year, typical average Gryffindor, short brown hair and quite petite for her age, was a good friend of the Ravenclaw. It was a habit of hers to attend these parties and specifically, to drink as much as she could. But this time was different. She promised Marlene she wasn't going to take a sip of any beverage and that they were going to leave together by 12 o'clock. Did Marlene McKinnon actually believe every each of her words? Yes. Had she ever doubted her friend would lie to her? No. Did Mary actually lie to her? Again no. Then what happened?

Well, what none of the girls had actually included in calculation was that Caradoc Dearborn, another 7th year, this time from the House of Hufflepuff, decided to attend this particular party. Why? No one knew and no one cared. Scratch that. Mary cared. Mary cared very much. It seemed as if her crush on him hadn't actually faded away as she stubbornly stated every single day.

Therefore, Marlene McKinnon had been abandoned in a crowd of drunk, smutchy, eager-to-snog-everything-they-caught-in-hand people. And she didn't enjoy it, at all. Some would ask themselves why she wasn't simply leaving the party, considering the fact that Mary was caught up in other business at the rightful moment, but those people don't exactly know Marlene now, do they? She's a person who would eagerly trust her friends, no matter what, and she trusted Mary so, naturally when the brunette told her she was going to come back in less then forty five minutes, the girl nodded friendly, sat down on an empty chair and waited.

And minutes passed, and Marlene would have almost fallen asleep, had it not been a particular Sirius Black there to wake her up.

"'Ello, McKinnon. Would ye fancy e drink?", he said, a joyful smile brightening his attractive features. It was then when Marlene rose her head, eyes still sleepy. She looked him up and down for a second and in the end she finally added:

"I doubt you should drink any more, Sirius. You're dead drunk." Her tone hadn't been harsh, maybe a reason why he sat down next to her, pointing a finger at her face.

"Ye didn't answer ma question, Madlene."

Her eyes, dark as the night sky, stay fixed on him for a while. Had he not been drunk, he might have spelled her name right, and that would have been the first time he had ever referred to her as 'Marlene' and not 'McKinnon'. Even as high as he was, she had to admit he was still carrying some kind of a charming aura around him, an aura that was probably helping him conquer over the hearts of many girls – many drunk girls in that moment.

"As long as it isn't alcohol, I wouldn't mind a drink. But I'm not going to snog you, Black!", she screamed after him, just as he run away to the table of drinks to get some for the both of them. She couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous smile plastered on his face. He looked like a dog searching for his lost bone, and it was amusing her to no end.

"Ther' ye go.", he waved a glass full of something that looked like pumpkin juice, in front of her eyes. He stood like that with his hand stretched in the air until she took it out of his hand, quietly thanking him.

"You know. I might start to like drunk Sirius more than the sober one.", she confessed taking a sip out of her juice. As quick as the liquid make contact with her lips, she knew there was something wrong with the beverage, but she stubbornly continued drinking out of it – a quite stupid thing to do, especially if it came from Marlene McKinnon.

"Speakin' of thet. 'Ave ye ever been drank?", he asked, with a smile on his face that was probably meant to be persuasive, but in fact was only making him look sillier than he already did. Marlene wasn't one to speak about such matters to anyone, especially not someone like Sirius Black, but something in the back of her mind forced her to speak the truth.

"No, I haven't. And I'm not that eager to find out how it's like.", she added quickly, as he saw him opening his mouth, a finger pointed at the ceiling, as if he were about to start a whole debate on this subject.

"I knew there was somethin' I diden't like about yeu.", Sirius mumbled, with a hiccup. "Too mature.", he continued explaining, laughing in midsentence as if this whole situation seemed to be really amusing to him.

"Oh, Sirius. You don't just tell a girl you don't like her because she's acting mature. How even do you get all those girls?"

"I'm gorge-", he stopped, realizing it was way too complicated for him to speak the word, considering the state he was in, so he resumed the entire sentence with a wave of his hand, trying show Marlene how attractive he was. "And I don't usually talk to 'em. And they're usually no ladies so … "

"Thank you, Black. If that was meant to be a compliment, then it was a really nice one.", Marlene said, nodding respectfully, only then realizing the headache she was actually having.

"You very pale, M'kin", he observed ignoring her previous comment.

The girl ran a hand over her forehead, realizing she was sweating like a pig and she probably was pale as Sirius said, although he wasn't even able to speak the word 'gorgeous' let alone actually see if someone had it's natural skin colour or not.

"On that matter – I'm not feeling alright. You'll have to excuse me, I'll leave now. I guess Mary won't return any time soon. G'night, Sirius."

She rose easily, what was actually a tough challenge was to walk. Her limbs just wouldn't listen to her. The girl looked back at her companion – he winked at her friendly, and for the first time Marlene stopped to have that many prejudices against Sirius Black. He was a nice bloke after all – with some mannerism problems, but beside that he could actually act like a normal person. It was true his ego was as big as the Giant Squid, but weren't Gryffindors always pictured as quite proud people? It wasn't easy to walk to the door, because of the crowd, and because she was feeling really drowsy. Not because of the hour or anything like that; at first she blamed it on the thick air inside the room, but once she reached the door, Marlene realized what was weakening her in such a manner. She had to use the door to stay straight on her legs, but she couldn't anymore. Her sight was blurry and cloudy, she could barely see in front of her and before she could do anything at all, her legs gave up and the next second – she was to the ground, breathing heavily.

He wasn't as drunk as Marlene pictured him, of course he wasn't. He had been worse than that but she couldn't know. However, the Gryffindor didn't bother to actually think of why she could actually leave so soon – she said she was feeling unwell, but sincerely why would she? It couldn't be the alcohol he had slipped in her drink, it hadn't even been much. A little pumpkin juice mixed with vodka wouldn't harm anyone, now would it? His grey eyes continued watching her as she was struggling to reach the door. McKinnon couldn't be called extraordinary beautiful, he had seen better, but she was attractive, one couldn't lie to such a fact. But if he would be sincere to himself and maybe a bit more sober, he would admit to himself nothing about her was actually his type. Everything about her could be noted as delicate and gentle – even the way she was walking seemed to be so perfectly calculated and full of grace. Her long, blonde hair was falling like a cascade on her shoulders, some rebellious curls flying around. Unlike other girls she was really tall, probably almost reaching his height, but it wasn't disturbingly tall, it seemed to suit her, it matched perfectly her long graceful fingers – the fingers of a pianist- or her fragile body, for that matter. Needless to say, the blonde had some really seductive curves. 'And she's not even aware of it', he thought to himself, right in the second something he didn't expect to happen took place.

Eyes still fixed on the girl, he was the only one able to see her as she fell to the ground. One of the long hands he had been admiring just seconds ago was coiled around her tummy as she crashed to the floor. Soon, she disappeared out of his eyesight and that was the moment he jumped out of his seat, running all the way to the door. Every now and then someone would watch him bemused, not actually understanding where he was rushing like that. Sirius reached her rather quickly, but her eyes were closed. He wasn't exactly feeling anything at that moment, maybe only some kind of fear. What could have happened to her? He reached his hand to her wrist to check for her pulse, and he calmed a bit, knowing she was alive, although truth to be told, the pulse was really slow. No one was paying attention to the scene, but, half awoken from his drunk state, the Gryffindor carefully wrapped his hands around her, his plan being to carry her to the infirmary.

"Wake up, McKinnon!", he hissed at her as he hastened through the corridors. He heard someone yell his name somewhere in the background, but it didn't even matter any more. His eyes flung down at the girl in his arms – she seemed asleep, and that was probably what scared him more than anything.

My father stopped with a sigh. I didn't have the guts to ask him what was wrong, I already knew. Well I didn't exactly know, but I assumed. He was lost in his thoughts, probably trying to remember that night and all the fright he went through. After all, people don't faint in the middle of a party every day, now do they? It would be a lie if I'd tell you I wasn't curious about what happened next. I practically forgot everything about my sleep. My mother had fainted and he was carrying her to the wing, making sure she was alright. That was probably the first moment that actually created something between them. He was like Prince Charming coming to save the princess – ok, maybe that isn't a good example, but you get what I mean.

"So … you saved her!", I concluded happily, hoping this will convince him to continue the story. He, however, did something different from what I thought he'd do: he laughed bitterly, shaking his head.

"I _saved_ her? Or did I rather _harm _her?"

"I-I'm afraid I don't exactly understand what you mean, Papa. She fainted and you took her over to the wing so Madam Pomfrey could heal her – whatever she needed to be healed for."

"Marlene was and she had always been", Padfoot started, rubbing his forehead nervously. It was obvious he didn't exactly like to talk about this moment of their lives. "she had always been allergic to alcohol."

I needed no more further explanation. I understood exactly what had happened. Drunk and probably willing to have Marlene equally high, my father had slipped vodka in her juice. Her body reacted rapidly, fighting back the alcohol. And this fine mess resulted to her fainting.

"But you didn't know", I tried to prove him he was innocent and not guilty.

"Well no one knew, yet what I did wasn't exactly smart, was it?"

"So what happened next?"

"I took her to the wing, she entered a coma, Pomfrey told me she could have died, and after two days Marlene woke up, thanks God, alive and willing to have visitors. And as the forgiving person she had always been – she forgave me, although I almost killed her."

"So you paid her a visit?"

"Of course I did. I was never a gentleman, but I had some manners you know, and I harmed the girl, so of course I was among the first to visit her. But I'll get to that later."

And thus the story went on, my heart bouncing like mad.

**A/N: I would like to thank you all those who reviewed, you gave no idea how much it means to me. I would also like to apologise, because this is shorter than I had expected, but I wasn't happy with the last part so I'm just going to drag it into the next chapter. **

**I hope you like it. R&R.**


	4. Chapter 3 Some flowers to chill her down

**Chapter 3**

**Some flowers to chill her down**

**Hogwarts, 1979**

"Are you going to pay her a visit?" Remus asked two days after the incident, just as they were getting ready for breakfast.

It took them a while to convince Sirius to tell them everything that had happened, but after some time, even someone like him could be easily persuaded. Peter wasn't talking to him anymore; his crush on Marlene seemed to be unstained, even after her refusal. James and Remus had been more understanding than he had expected although they both acted like old women, trying to explain him what he had done wrong and why he shouldn't do it again; as if he wouldn't know that himself. What he had done was terrible, and probably for the first time in his life, Sirius knew what remorse was feeling like. She was innocent and unstained like a petal of a rose, yet he had harmed her more than he had ever wounded anyone.

Sirius was sitting on his bed, casually chewing on a gum he had stolen from a random Hufflepuff. Those were always easy to trick. His eyes looked around the room, as if he would be pondering the options he had. "I might. That if she's awake. You sent me to visit her two times now and each time she was still deepened in her coma." _It was scary, _he added in his mind.

"She _is _awake", Peter hissed from somewhere under his bed. He was probably searching for his shoes or just hiding his face from the population of the room.

"Pete, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to harm her in any way!" Sirius defended himself, throwing his hands into the air, as if to prove his innocence.

"But you _did _harm her! She could have died."

"Guys, calm down!" the Head Boy intervened, trying to keep peace among his friends. They were all in bad moods lately and it annoyed both Remus and James. Of course they understood each other's reasons but they were mates after all. "Peter, Sirius had apologised more than he normally would and Marlene's alright now, so I guess it's time to forgive him for his stupid behaviour."

"You're taking his side." Peter protested.

"James isn't taking anyone's side, it's just disturbingly irritating to see you two act like this."

Sirius was silent the entire argument, not saying a word. He was swallowed in other thoughts. It was not the first time havoc reigned among their friendship, nor the last, so he let that be, actually thinking of a much more important aspect. What even was one supposed to do in the company of someone they had poisoned and almost murdered? Was he supposed to apologise continuously until eventually the person would give up and pretend to forgive him just for the sake of getting rid of him? Or was he supposed to pretend nothing happened at all?

"You might get the bird some flowers.", James said, interrupting the course of his thoughts. It was then when Sirius became conscious of the fact that they were alone in the dormitory. "It might cheer her up, in case she's mad or anything.", he added on.

"Thanks, mate, for defending me from Peter's accusations."

"I wasn't exactly doing that, but eh, you're welcome. But not Wormtail's forgiveness is what you should seek for right now."

"I know, but I don't think she'll bite my head off. McKinnon's not the kind."

James shrugged carelessly, patting his friend on the shoulder and leaving for the door.

"Wormy seems to care very much for the girl."

"You'd be surprised what love can do to a guy, Padfoot. Maybe you're going to know one day."

"No chance", Sirius assured him, his bark-like laughter filling the room.

"This is the last time I assure you, Papa, I am _alright_.", he could hear her voice from the entrance of the Hospital Wing. _Oh shit_, he thought, turning around quickly, trying to leave cowardly. If there was something worse than facing Marlene, it probably was facing her parents. In his mind he imagined them torturing him, or punishing him with a fist for what he'd done. That was unlikely to happen though. The way he had been raised always intervened, making him believe all the parents would use such a punishment on their children.

"Sirius.", Marlene's soft voice echoed in the gigantic room. He turned around to see three pair of eyes looking straight at him. "He's the one I've been telling you about."

It was then when Sirius could actually feel how uncomfortable he was, but there was something about her voice, so soothing and calm, you couldn't actually believe she was blaming him for anything of the kind.

"Young man,", began Mr. McKinnon, a tall, bald man, with the same big black eyes just as his daughter's. He seemed older than a father should look like. Sirius concluded that he might have married at not such a fragile age. "Thank you, for what you've done for our daughter." He stood up, hand stretched in the air, probably waiting for Padfoot to take it and shake it eventually. _What kind of a trick is this?_, he asked himself, shyly taking the man's hand.

"Eh … welcome, but I don't exactly understand?", the Gryffindor said, searching Marlene's bemused face for a response.

"Oh, he's modest too. What a wonderful man to save you, my darling.", a fair haired woman with bright blue eyes smiled politely at him. Sirius could only assume it was Marlene's mother.

"Of course. Sirius is the most modest person I have ever met.", Marlene chuckled, shaking her head amused by the situation. It seemed as if the only one who cold sense her sarcasm was Padfoot who had raised an eyebrow at her, a proud grin brightening his features.

"It was my pleasure to er how did you put it? 'Save her'."

It was Marlene's turn to raise her eyebrows at him.

"Ah, my dear Madam Pomfrey exactly who I wanted to talk to.", Mrs. McKinnon said, just as the woman appeared out of her room, bottle in hand.

"Wonderful, but I'm afraid your daughter needs to go on her daily walk now. She's doing that every day since she's here and I can assure you it's improving her health considerably.", Madam Pomfrey started talking, and if Mr. McKinnon wouldn't have stopped her, she would have continued all day long.

"Oh, Marlene, you could wait for a while until we finish our talk with the lovely Madam Pomfrey and after that, we could all go on a walk together."

"That is alright, Papa. Sirius will be a gentleman and will accompany me on my walk around the yard, now won't he?", she smiled, pushing the Gryffindor out of the room.

As she was closing the door she could see the smile plastered on her mother's face. She was a woman between two ages, usually a bright and smiling person, as she was now.

"What are you doing, McKinnon?", Sirius questioned.

"Saving you from the evil that are my parents.", the Ravenclaw retorted quickening her pace. "Oh and you are not forced to actually come on the walk with me."

"They don't seem to be evil at all, and I'll stick for a while.", he said, pretending to not actually give a damn, when in fact he was following the girl through the hallways.

"Of course they're not evil, but they're evil to themselves. They're too kind to everyone, you see, and they won't understand not all people are as humanitarian and mild as they are.", Marlene explained, breathing in the fresh air of the April day. She pulled her cloak closer to her body, while he helped her come down the stairs.

It wasn't a bright day, the sun hiding somewhere behind heavy, grey clouds that could have easily announced a shower rain to come, yet after being forced to stay in the same room for hours, Marlene found it as wonderful as a day of June.

He said nothing for a while, but his mind was full of thoughts. She had no idea how lucky she was, or if she did, then she was probably one of the luckiest girls he'd met. Whereas he had had his parents, who honestly said, couldn't even be called parents, she had these two lovely people who would do anything for their daughter. They slightly reminded him of the Potters.

"You acted your role quite well, I might say.", the girl broke the silence.

Sirius smirked proudly, looking down at the blonde girl and then at the flowers in his hand.

"Ah, these are for you.", he stretched his arm, giving her the flowers. "James said some flowers were going to simmer you down, in case you wanted to kill me for what I've done."

Her eyes stayed fixed on the flowers for a while, her cheeks reddening as if she would restrain herself from breaking into laughter. She looked up at him, the black eyes meeting the grey ones, and out of a sudden she started laughing how he had never heard her before.

It was a thrilling sound, her laughter. Wasn't bothering, wasn't too sweet. Just about perfect. But there was something more bout her laughter; it was like poison, sticking in his brain, and even when she stopped giggling, he could still hear it. If it was poison, it was a delightful one.

"Oh, those flowers would have simmered me down for sure, even more than that, they would have killed me instantly, especially if you would have given me only the roots.", Marlene pointed out, still chuckling every now and then.

"What?", Sirius asked confused, the idea of killing her still scratching him at the back of his head.

"You're not exactly paying attention in Herbology, are you? Monkshood or Wolfsbane, as it is called, is often used for Poison. That's why I find it funny."

"Oh", he said, looking at the flowers in his hand. They did seem beautiful, and truth to be told, he wasn't finding anything funny that this could've been the second time he could've killed her, if of course he would have used this plant, whatever its name was, in a Potion. "Listen, about the incident-"

"No", she cut him off, waving a hand in the air, in a dismissive way.

"No, McKinnon, you have to listen. It's not daily I apologise, so do listen. I'm really sorry."

"I know."

"You do? How can you know? You don't know me."

"I know more about you than you can think. It's easy to read through you.", Marlene spoke, a serious look on her face.

For a second he almost believed her, but then it was his turn to break into a laughter.

"No, really, how did you know?"

The Ravenclaw sighed, smiling, "Peter had been so kind to inform me of everything that's going on in your dormitory. And I think he's ready to forgive you, although I can't exactly understand what for."

"He cares very much for you, you know.", Sirius tried to put a good word for his friend, something that sincerely wouldn't happen so often.

"I can see what you're trying to do, Sirius, but my answer is unchanged. Maybe I'm an idiot to dismiss him like this and maybe he's the best man that could cross my way, but … I really don't think I should confide in you.", she finished, nodding at her own statement.

"That, McKinnon, might be the smartest choice you ever made", he grinned at her. He knew he wouldn't go running to Peter and tell him every word Marlene spoke, but he still wasn't exactly interested in this soap opera. "Leaving that behind, I hope you … erm … can forgive me for my actions."

"Sirius, when a girl avoids a subject it either means she doesn't want to talk about it or she simply has forgiven you a long time ago and she doesn't exactly care any more. In this case, both matters count."

"I didn't know you were allergic-"

"I know. Although I will never understand what you were planning on doing? Getting me drunk? Should I ask why?"

"Ehm, I can't remember, but better not. I was drunk."

"Yeah, I think it's better it ended up like this and not the other way, getting shagged, you know."

"Oh you don't find me attractive enough, do you?", Sirius said in a silent tone, acting hurt.

"I'm not going to talk about this matter, but no, what I mean is, Peter would've murdered you with his own hands."

"You're so right, McKinnon, I'm glad I got you in a coma instead!", he said sarcastically, shaking his head.

"Oh, shush you. Anyway it felt like sleeping."

"It was scary", he pointed out , as they were heading back to the infirmary.

"Well I'm sorry you had to carry a fainted me through the hallways."

"You were dead."

"Coma. That's half asleep, half dead."

"Oh how relaxing!"

"Awww."

"Don't take it that way. I don't wanna rot in Azkaban."

"But you and a random, nice Dementor would make a wonderful couple."

"Ha, ha.", he faked a laughter, that contrary to his will, made her laugh. Again her laughter filled his ears and with a smile on his face he pushed her back into the infirmary, making sure she was all right.

My father suddenly stopped speaking. He ran his tongue over his upper lip and sighed deeply. I would only later understand why. As of now, I had other things to ask.

"Why did you stop?", I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. Forgotten were sleep or coffee. The story was getting more and more interesting and I knew that as soon as they finished Hogwarts times got even darker. I could only suppose that their lives had been as dark as the times they were living in. Impatiently was I waiting for the actual romance, if ever there had been some, but now again, love doesn't grow as fast as people often imagine it to. Love's like a flower, she needs to be caressed and taken care of, to finally bloom and become as beautiful as we see it.

"I can't remember what happened next", he said, his words sounding more sincere than I had expected. "I s'pose it wasn't that important."

"Well then just get going. Just continue the story, Papa."

"What is the time?", he asked once again, completely ignoring my words.

"Does it make any difference? It's 5:02 am. Why do you keep asking me about the time? What are you planning?", I asked curiously.

"Wait and see. Wait and see", he said in a wise tone and again I felt the same fears taking over my body. I didn't know what he was trying to hide away from me, but whatever it was, it had been strong enough to convince him tell me their story, and I was profoundly thankful for that.

"But", I heard his voice echo in our living room again, "maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea if you would get ready for a ride?"

"A ride?", I asked, not sure if I heard well. Why would we go on a ride? What was the meaning of this all? I was so confused and my body was aching from how tired I actually was.

"Yes, a ride. You know, with that thing called car."

"Can't we just use Floo Powder?"

"No. I feel like going on a trip to London. By car."

"Yeah, but you're not the one driving", I muttered disapprovingly, too stubborn to make a confession about the state of my tiredness. But he ignored me.

"But not now. In some hours. Right now I need some rest."

"Now? But you didn't even get to the juicy contents of the story! You're not even falling for each other?"

"Did I ever mention it's a love story and I can't remember?", he cut me off, coldly. I decided not to speak again of that. I somehow felt like he was going to continue his story, yet it seemed as if I touched a nerve. And in the next minutes, I could hear his soft breath and I knew he fell asleep, his eyebrows still furrowed from the small argument we've just had.


	5. Chapter 4 The Driveway and the Plan

**Chapter 4**

**The Driveway, the Order and the Plan**

My father seemed swallowed by his own sleep and it drove me insane. First of all, because I, myself couldn't sleep. I wanted to know what happened next. I had an appetite of knowing their story_, the story of Sirius and Marlene_. But he had coldly informed me there won't be any romance, or at least there had been no love involved. I could've expected that coming from him, but I somehow always hoped, somewhere in my subconscious, that she had loved him deeply. Now, I sense the reader can understand the disappointment I was going through. I imagined them in love (well dad loving her in his very own, Sirius-like way). I liked to believe that I was the creation of love, not simply of a relationship that didn't actually last, seeing as she isn't here anymore (for whatever reason there might be). But I was trying to hold my hopes up, knowing my father; I tried to convince myself he was just trying to stop me from being so enthusiastic about the entire story. I'm not sure if he actually really believed I could calm down in any way. I was excited and even someone who had never met me could've simply tell that. I sensed what could follow in the story: they were in their seventh year, ready to graduate and I knew they started working for the Order quicker than they found an enough profitable job. This might be seen as an act of silliness, if you are someone who has never experienced a war on your own skin, but believe me, it was what everyone who wanted to be involved in the war would do. Going on the Order's side was like claiming their belief out loud. From that moment on they were part of the war, they were adults, they could take their own decision and they've taken theirs: they wanted to fight, on the right side. I was picturing my father accepting the Order's offer right away, without any further thinking, because to him it was yet but another adventure. On the other hand, Marlene would have given a lot of thought to ponder the options she had.

Both of them seemed more and more real in my head, but I had to distract myself from the story and actually wait for papa to wake up and resume it. In vain have I waited an hour, he wouldn't wake. So I decided preparing our car for the trip would be an intelligent idea coming from me, and it eventually was.

I probably fell asleep, because the next thing I remember was seeing everything move around me. I felt wobbly and I tried to reach for something to hold onto, but then I understood what I just grabbed wasn't a wardrobe or anything enough solid, it was my father's arm; the earth wasn't moving around me, we were moving with the car. Dad was driving, very concentrated in his driveway and the music that was swaying around the air of the small vehicle. I looked him up and down: he looked again like the father I knew and for a second I asked myself if all what just happened actually took place or if it had been all a dream.

"Ready to hear the rest?", he said, become conscious that I was awake, and curiously staring at him as if I would see him for the first time in years.

"As if you'd need a response to such a question. Although … where are we going?"

"That you already know, Cassiopeia; we're going to London."

My name floated around the air for a while, waltzing along with the music. Rare were the times when he actually called me that. I remember I once had an argument with him, he went all mad and for a week he called me 'Cassiopeia'. It was all a game to irritate me and I foolishly played along, acting more frustrated than I should have. Don't get me wrong, I like my name _now_ but then, when I was so young, I couldn't see the point of it. Comparing it to normal names like 'Lily' or 'Maisie' or anything for the like, 'Cassiopeia' seemed to be one of the most absurd name ever to be given to someone. I would only later understand that my parents had a tragically long and rather bizarre list of names for their daughter.

But this time was different: my name wasn't used to irritate me, quite the contrary. There was something touching about it. It seemed to carry some kind of regret, as if he was somehow begging for forgiveness for something he had to do or was about to say, and sincerely, it annoyed me, having no idea what it was all about.

**London, 1979 (autumn)**

Some would think Sirius Black joined the Order because he was seeking for adventure, but that was a wrong assumption. He joined the order because he knew what his place in the upcoming war was, because when he had left his family, he had done it for a reason and that was the difference between him and them. And what other way to prove his family wrong, than take part in this war? It was true he had accepted right away when McGonagall and Dumbledore had told him about the Order of the Phoenix, but he did it also because his friends were involved too. If there was ever something important on this good earth, then they were his friends. He couldn't just stay in the bleachers and watch them fight and suffer and die one after another.

The Order wasn't a job, he knew that. It was an organisation without some settled headquarters, fighting against Voldemort, and he liked the idea of it: it was independent, rebellious and secretive, just his favourite characteristics in mostly everything. What he didn't expect was the amount of people that actually joined. He had never expected Peter to join, not because he was weak (he wasn't), he just never seemed to be the type who would actually fight for good. Nor has he ever pictured Emmeline Vance be a part of a secret society such as this one. But the biggest surprise was to see Marlene McKinnon at the first meeting of the Order. She was right there, shining in the dim lighten room, her blonde hair now chopped short in a cut that made her look younger than she was. In the last months of school, they had grown close to each other, but in a very friendly way. It was strange for him, he had never actually grown fond of a girl in such a way, but now again she wasn't exactly any girl. Peter still had a crush on her; however his hopes to reach her heart were minimal now, seeing as she politely refused all of his attempts to get her on a date. Whereas Peter would kill his brains trying to understand where he was going wrong, Sirius knew the truth, but caring for his friend, and knowing it might upset him even more, he decided to keep his mouth shut and let things go the way they should. And they did go, but now she was again there, bright and beautiful like a spring day, a serious look on her face, a look that would've scared an enemy, but convinced a friend of the determination she was capable of. Marlene had told him her intentions to fight in the war, and it was needless of him to ask on which side. He could simply tell that by the company one would find herself in: muggleborns, blood traitors and probably soon to be blood traitors.

As his eyes were still fixed on the young lady, he had a feeling he wasn't the only one watching her attentively. Peter's eyes were on the girl too, but she didn't move an inch. He presumed she might not sense how watched she actually is, but Sirius excluded that idea once he saw her try and avoid looking their way as well as she could.

The first meeting went well, very promising, although a bit boring, if someone were to ask him. He enjoyed listening to Dumbledore's speeches, but mostly all he'd heard that night he already knew. But Padfoot didn't even care: he knew the Order wasn't an office kind of a job, it was a dangerous one, were people would fight with Death Eaters and try and do away with Voldemort's plans. Along the meeting people have been voting different things, they've taken decisions regarding different jobs, who will spy the Ministry today and who tomorrow, who will work with who and those kind of things. By the end of the gathering, Sirius would have a schedule to spy on different presumed Death Eaters with no other than James, who had also other occupations as well. Marlene was to work inside for a while, as he understood, and for a reason not even he would understand, he somehow wished he'd been paired up with her. He had to blame it on the fact that he had never seen her in action; it was most probably a curiosity growing along. But this wasn't school, this wasn't the DaDa class at Hogwarts, and they weren't the students they used to be. Soon, the war would change them, altering their characters and replacing their principles and thoughts of the world. But at that moment no one could expect a war to last so long or even to be so life-changing, because every young wizard that had fought valiantly had heard of wars only from their teachers, grandparents or from History books. None of them could actually picture before their eyes the madness they were getting themselves so bravely into. We often go to war believing we will return victorious and everything will be happy and sunny as it used to. No second do we think of how changed we will return from war, what a huge print it leaves on our heart, soul and mind. The young adults which have so quickly accepted the idea of going to battle, are the children of war, and so they will remain, until they will breathe their last lungful. It's a danger they alone have gotten themselves into, but they should be applauded for that, for they haven't cowardly run away, like others did.

Sirius' eyes accidentally flew to the blonde by the window, but Marlene wasn't there anymore. To his surprise she was speaking with James and Lily in another corner of the room, every so often looking down at her wristwatch, as if she would be scared time will fly away past her and she'd miss something important. Their discussion was boring; they were talking about the current Minister of Magic, Arnold Dorfenger, a man whom they believed to be a traitor and a fraud. Lazily, he would walk to them, deciding their chat was far more interesting than that of Dumbledore, McGonagall and someone who seemed very much like Dumbledore, only a bit younger.

"So, are you ready to spy on rumoured Death Eaters, Prongs?" Sirius intervened in their discussion, interrupting them nonchalantly.

"I'm looking forward to it." James replied with a smirk, but softly squeezing Lily's hand. The redhead, on the other hand, sent Sirius a look that would say 'Keep an eye on him'. Not only Black, but also Marlene observed the look, and while he would sluggishly nod, Marlene would stare at the couple with something that Sirius could call 'remorse'. He had no idea what for, and strange enough, it seemed as if he would share her feelings.

"Won't it be boring for the both of you?" James asked, without realizing the silent vow that had been made right under his nose. His eyes flew from Marlene to Lily, by his side.

"Of course it will, but Dumbledore assured us, we will stand and fight too", Marlene explained, adding quickly, as she saw the concerned look on the young man's features: "When the time will come, of course."

"It's a war, James, and I'm part of this thing because it means I'm not planning on sitting in a house cooking, while the people I care for die fighting for something worth battling for.", Lily sighed, and Sirius pitied her truthfully, knowing James rarely will offer her the chance to be in a real fight. If he had a girlfriend of his own, he would allow her do whatever she pleases and if she would love to fight along by his side, he would be most proud to accept. But as there wasn't such a woman in his life, and nor did he expect one to appear very soon, he had to have his old mate as his partner.

"A true Gryffindor has just spoken! Prongs should be proud of you, Lily", Sirius praised her. Please note the use of her first name instead of the usual, daily 'Evans' she was so used to. But she was no longer a simple girl, the redhead his friend was head over heels for; he had found a friend in her, someone he could trust and knew would make perfect match for his friend. All these thoughts, however, were scaring him. For a while he asked himself if he was sick or soon to be, but a voice woke him up from his reverie, answering to his question, as If she could easily read his thoughts.

"You've matured." Marlene said simply and it was only then when he realized James and Lily were gone.

"Where …?"

"They left for dinner, something we all should do after all."

Seeing her leave, a faint smile on her face, Sirius decided he was hungry and probably so was she.

"Oi, McKinnon! Wait for me! I'll join you for dinner, I'd like to hear your theories of how I matured." he called after her, his everyday smirk brightening his face.

"Who said I'd like to have dinner with you? Maybe I have other plans?" she retorted, waving her eyelashes theatrically.

For a second a feeling he had never experienced before took over him. Why would she prefer to go out with someone, when she could simply go with him? Who would even be that person, so much more important than him anyway? Was there a person who wouldn't want to go out with him?

He half-shrugged but did not argue.

"Don't need to make such a deal out of it, I was going to accept, you fool, I'd enjoy some company." she laughed. Her laugh, a thrilling sound, something that would sooth even a dying person, would calm one down and make them dream of forbidden worlds and ringing bells on a beautiful summer day.

"I knew that", he defended himself, the proud look on his face not fading away as they walked out of the room, leaving an astonished, yet unobserved Peter behind.

"Your first date!" I chirped happily.

My father sighed exasperated and I had to laugh amused. The landscape was changing: it was more autumn like here, but there was still a very long way to London and I had a feeling the story was just at the beginning.

"It wasn't a date", he finally said. "It was just a dinner taken with a random member of the Order."

"Of course, she was for sure _random_!", I rolled my eyes, his weak attempts to convince me there were no strong feelings then not getting me.

A relaxing, yet matching song is cheering the both of us up. I have no idea what the song name is, but the lyrics seem to be fitting to dad's story:

_Wise men say only fools rush in_

_But I can't help_

_I can't help falling in love with you_

**Order of the Phoenix Headquarters, 1979 (winter)**

Normally, people would start asking themselves if Marlene and Sirius weren't a bit too fond of each other lately, but they were dark times and everyone had other matters to be troubled with than a supposed 'soon to be couple'. However, there had been some curious people who managed to ask of it. Naturally, they both denied every each of these suspicions, but unfortunately for them this seemed even more suspicious than it should have. They were fond of each other, yes, but it was in a very friendly, more like sibling like way, or so they stated.

Only two months passed and they already lost one. His name was Scott Caraway; he had been stroked down by Death Eaters during one of his rounds. From that moment on, the Order stopped being such a secret society as it used to. All their enemies knew of its existence, but none knew its members, or not yet. James and Sirius were both Aurors. Lily was working at St. Mungo's as a healer, whereas Marlene was still studying in her free time so as to become a lawyer. Other members were working whether at the Ministry or somewhere at Gringotts or on Diagon Alley (expect Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, of course). Everyone hoped they won't be the next to die, but then again, who didn't hope that in such times? The death of Scott had been shocking to them all, but they had expected someone to die very soon. It was unexpected to see someone so strong and young like Caraway die, but the young die first.

They had found some headquarters for the Order and not only. Some of its members were still without a home and the house they've found abandoned was big enough to isolate them all. As for Voldemort's followers, the list of their names was growing and thanks to the spying they've been all up to, they managed to get a list of them all. None was unexpected, most of them purebloods of old families such as Malfoy and Black.

Till that moment, there had been no battles between the Order and Voldemort, yet everyone could sense one to come; the smell of it was floating around the air and everyone was preparing for such a combat to loom, knowing they might be the next on the list of dead people. It was something they were all up to. If their death was going to change something in the course of this entire world, of this war, then it was worth dying for.

But they disbelieved The Dark Lord, all of them, even Dumbledore. While they were all preparing for a side by side combat, the ex-Slytherin had other plans; he was going to kill them all, one after another, in the vilest of ways: playing with their minds.


End file.
